mellowyellow587

mine are always so broad because i am too ambitious with my...

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 11:17:51 -0400

mine are always so broad because i am too ambitious with my research

confessionsofyouraveragenerd:

Finding it so difficult to chose a topic for your project when everyone else already has theirs

that will be my entire spring break, and it will be fabulous.

Sun, 04 Mar 2012 21:30:23 -0500

that will be my entire spring break, and it will be fabulous.

musicproblems: submitted by: anonymous

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 10:42:37 -0500

musicproblems:

submitted by: anonymous

love shouldn't suck

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 21:08:31 -0500

i love him, and it sucks a lot.

Photo

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 23:47:22 -0500

i guess being an adult

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 23:44:02 -0500

means finding ways to make yourself feel special on your birthday rather than your friends and family doing that for you, buying your own drinks at your birthday outing, watching your friends interact with each other more than they interact with you at said outing, and knowing that if you moved away it wouldn’t make a difference in any of these people’s lives.

oh, and spending most of the night wishing the one person you really want to spend your birthday with could be there, but knowing that will never happen.

so glad i’m home alone and this day is over.

Photo

Sun, 25 Dec 2011 23:20:13 -0500

so funny and so true!! silly puppy. subrosaecadrillie: Who...

Sun, 25 Dec 2011 12:24:46 -0500

so funny and so true!! silly puppy.

subrosaecadrillie:

Who would win in a fight between Schrödinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog? My money is on the cat. First off, it’s fighting in both the real world and the spirit world. Second, each round starts with a bell.

Product Page ($16.99-$18.99)

being optimistic

Sat, 03 Dec 2011 21:14:15 -0500

i get a lot of flack for being really (and i mean REALLY) pessimistic. my saxophone teacher hates it the most, because i put down my musicianship and my ability before i breathe a note. and i get why he gets frustrated, because i’m frustrated too. that’s why i SAY those things, because nothing good comes out when i play.

he says i’m working hard, and that i’ve improved so much, and that i have all of this music inside me that he wants to come out. and i agree with him. i am working hard; i’ve seen my playing as a whole change more in the past year (hell, even in the past summer) than in my entire undergrad, and people in the studio have noticed too.

but, my problem is still that i don’t feel like i’m being given opportunities i… deserve is the wrong word… but i feel like i’ve worked hard and proven that i’m deserving of these opportunities. opportunities like playing in a masterclass for Claude Delangle. or opportunities to play solos in wind ensemble literature (or hell, play first parts on more than one piece out of the entire concert). so you see, professor, it’s these types of things that cause me to feel negative about my playing. because no matter how hard i work or have worked, no matter how much i continue to improve, it still won’t be good enough. how am i supposed to be positive when i know that?

hmmm

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 14:00:21 -0400

well, clearly you didn’t dump me because you needed time for yourself. you dumped me because you found someone better (while we were still dating, might i add) and weren’t man enough to admit it to my face. i hope you find some fulfillment in being the pseudo father to her son, and that you don’t lie to her about your feelings like you did to me. and don’t worry, the person my ex’s date after me always ends up being their soul mate, so you’re all set.

Video

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 23:00:28 -0400

why

Sat, 24 Sep 2011 23:11:45 -0400

why do i still think of you every single day without fail?

why do i still wonder when you’ll call me, when i KNOW deep down that you were just saying you would call me to make me feel better

why do i still wonder if you think about me, when i know you’ve already forgotten.

why can’t i just forget.

the reason

Mon, 29 Aug 2011 00:59:16 -0400

“because you’re you.”

that seems to be the reason guys give to me for loving me, wanting me, needing me, missing me… and yet this me that is so awesome and wonderful and beautiful and intelligent and is so many things your girlfriend/wife is not, is the same me that makes them all too afraid to go for it.

my friends wonder how i’m strong enough to handle so many platonic friendships that are actually based on lust and them wanting what they can’t have… and the truth is i’m not really at all. it makes me feel like trash, like i am no one special because i’m not worth more than the fleeting fantasies and late night phone calls/text messages/chats that fill the nights when she’s not around.

someday, someone will choose me and keep me around. but knowing what i know about this side of men, how can i ever trust him to not have the same outlet that these guys find in me?

fuck. this hurts.

fits like a glove

Sat, 27 Aug 2011 12:51:45 -0400

Can you see me
Floating above your head
As you lay in bed
Thinking about everything
That you did not do
Cause saying I love you
Has nothing to do with meaning it

And I don’t trust you
Cause every time you’re here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I’m sick of thinking anything at all

You ain’t ever coming back to me
That’s not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that

Do you remember
The way we used to melt
Do you remember how it felt
When I touched you
Oh cause I remember very well

And how long has it been
Since someone you let in
Has given what I gave to you

And at night when you sleep
Do you dream I would be there
Just for a minute or two do you?

You ain’t ever coming back to me
That’s not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that

Heartache heartache I just have so much
A simple love with a complex touch
There is nothing you can say or do
I called to let you know I’m through with you

for all you font lovers out there, a shout out to one of my favorites!

Sat, 06 Aug 2011 12:12:05 -0400

for all you font lovers out there, a shout out to one of my favorites!

refreshing

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 19:58:00 -0400

refreshing

so true

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 09:30:41 -0400

so true

http://www.happyplace.com/3695/unintentionally-sexual-church-signs

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 23:32:08 -0400

http://www.happyplace.com/3695/unintentionally-sexual-church-signs

if i believed in soul mates, this is exactly what i imagine they are

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 01:14:00 -0400

Shelby knew that some librarians felt the human brain was like a microfiche file, impossibly tiny images and words on transparent leaves, arranged page by page for a person’s viewing pleasure. But every time she saw those miniature dossiers, she thought that if any part of the body were similarly catalogued, it would be the heart. She imagined autopsies, the organ sliced thin. One sliver would chronicle the way you had cherished a child; one would record the feelings you had for parents and siblings. Another, scarlet, might be etched with moments of passion; angels embracing on the head of pain. And for those who were lucky, the thinnest slice would be teeming with memories of a love so strong it turned you inside out and left you gasping, and would be an identical match to a slice stored in the heart of a soul mate.

—Jodi Picoult, Second Glance

one week later

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 16:42:49 -0400

well, it’s been just over a week, and i’m proud of my progress. so many people listened to me talk about everything all the time and i’m truly grateful for all of that support and time. i’m grateful for my mom, who didn’t get mad that i didn’t tell her about the relationship in the first place. she just put everything into perspective and allowed me to feel the way i needed to feel, but reminded me that life goes on and people move on and even if it’s not meant to be, everything is meant to be okay.

some of the best advice i’d gotten was people telling me that they honestly didn’t think he and i were a good match. they gave me the outside perspective and told me about the differences we had that i couldn’t see, and how those differences would become a problem and one or both of us would have to change some pretty fundamental things in order to build a life out of the relationship. i am grateful to those friends who know me so well and realize when i’m strong enough to hear that.

i’ve talked to him twice since he left my apartment last sunday. once was completely on purpose. i texted him on tuesday afternoon to just say hi and ask how he was doing. he said he was doing okay, and i said i was doing okay as well but that i missed him and wanted to talk to him. i then asked how he had such good self control and he said “because i know it will hurt to talk to you.” hurt me? hurt him? or both? i didn’t ask. he also said “plus, i have to focus on my work.” so i left it alone. the second time i talked to him, i completely texted him on accident. all i said was “hey” and he texted me back right away and said “hi.” that was it. so then i said fuck it and asked if we could talk for just a few minutes. he didn’t text back right away, so i left it alone. about an hour later he said “i’m golfing so no.” didn’t say anything back again. then about another hour later he texted me again and said “how about i contact you when i’m ready to talk.” okay… as if you were the one that was torn up about this? i mean, of course you were, but i guess i didn’t realize that you’d be so upset that you didn’t want to talk to me because it would hurt to talk to me. well, that’s good i guess. so i texted back saying “yeah. i’m really not ready either, so even though i really want to talk to you i definitely don’t have the strength to. i hope you’re taking the time you need for yourself, and that you still miss and think about me.”

so now i don’t know where things will go from here. who knows if he’ll ever call or text me again. his number is now completely out of my phone, thanks to having text conversations with so many people that it was forced out of all contact lists. all i know is that i can start to let go of the hope and that doesn’t hurt. and i know that i’m well on my way to moving on, and that’s an empowering feeling.